It's so hard to say goodbye?

Every time there's a moral panic about Meta, a #deletefacebook hashtag, congressional hearings, angry opinion pieces, or accusations of fake news or child manipulation, I am surprised. Despite all this anger, it seems that people are not leaving Facebook in droves.

The platform has become the vital digital infrastructure that they use to pore over family photos, reach customers, chat with friends, sell things on Marketplace, or simply pass the time. “If I didn’t need Facebook, then I would get off,” I hear so many people explain, as they resist doing the one thing that would send a clear message to Silicon Valley: voting with their feet.

I get it. I’ve spent years evading major platforms and the infrastructures of data-driven marketing. Breaking up is always hard to do. From resisting Google products to buying baby supplies in cash, even building my own cell phone, opting out reveals just how difficult, unsafe, or even downright ludicrous it is to take data privacy into your own hands.

Still, it’s important to set the record straight. You (yes, you!) don’t actually need Facebook. Not to find a job, not to advertise your product, not to reach your customers or give away your old baby gear. And certainly not to share photos.

That means you (yes, you!) can get off Facebook. Here’s how.

Stay in touch when you move

Maybe you’re worried you will lose touch with friends from work, or forget your relatives’ birthdays. Maybe you’ve got precious memories online, chats with your spouse, photos of grandchildren or your high school dance. Guess what: you can take it all with you! Write down phone numbers, important dates, and email addresses. Transfer this information to a system that won’t read and churn through your contacts and calendars. Click “download” to capture and save your photos, chats, messages and more on your computer. It’s that simple.

Now, start looking for alternatives. There are social media systems like Mastodon and Bluesky that don’t sell your data. But since having all your social information in one place leaves you open to risk, I recommend you have fun experimenting with other systems. Use Ente for photo sharing among family members. Subscribe to RSS feeds – or an actual newspaper – to read the headlines. Try messaging services that encrypt your chats, like Signal. Getting off Facebook doesn’t mean abandoning your relationships altogether.

You'll have more time!

Do you have any hobbies that you miss? Friends you wish you had time to visit? Recipes you’d like to try or a language you’d like to learn -- if only you had the time?

Write them down, and post the list in your home or office. When the urge strikes to click and scroll, or your thumb hovers over the app on your phone, look at your list and choose something on it to do instead.

You’ll feel better doing something you love, and you’ll soon realize how much precious time you wasted collecting likes.

Let your fingers do the walking

Finally, start up some new habits for staying in touch. “Deactivate” your account, and the system will try to lure you back online, sending you photos of your friends and tantalizing snippets from your timeline. Don’t be fooled!

If you get an email saying that a hundred and twenty people commented on your friend’s post, just pick up the phone and call to ask what the fuss is about. You will soon find out who had a baby or who’s battling cancer, who got elected or who got fired. And your friend will be thrilled that you called.

It should not take this much effort to opt out of a simple online platform and wrest control over your personal information. But it does. After all, tech companies that trade in personal data work very hard to entice you to surrender it. They provide “free” services that record your interactions, infer your politics, and reinforce your beliefs. They embed their products into your device ecosystems and your social life, and use basic psychology to keep you coming back for more. Instead of implementing real privacy tools or limiting their reach, they tell you to “opt out” if you don’t like their policies. Opt out, even though they are stacking the deck against you.       

It’s time to take them at their word. Now that we’ve seen where these systems lead, there isn’t time to wait for the next data leak or the next election. Don’t post about your anger and hope for change. You can tell Silicon Valley that the personal data economy needs to stop now, by sending the only message they will understand.